Guess what, guys?
I published a whole book a few months ago and forgot to tell anyone: Heavy Legacy : Book 1
Oh, I hinted about Heavy Legacy. I even shared the cover picture, but then life fell apart and engulfed me in the flames of anxiety and depression. Again, it failed to kill me, again. It was very close this time and nearly succeeded, scaring me badly enough to light a fire under me. This recent hellfire will cost me dearly, but hopefully, this time, I will walk out of the fire and walk on solid ground. That much is only hope, but hope, I’ve been told, is something I desperately need so…
Yay!
I published a book!
Truthfully. I’m ashamed of the delay in mentioning this.
The witches nestled in these pages definitely have a Heavy Legacy. They saw me through many past battles with depression. For years, I’ve returned to them for confidence and advice. For years, I’ve poured my anguish into those pages, and then I simply forget to tell anyone?!?
Shameful.
My Proctor witches started as a short story that was denied, but my witches didn’t take that. They came back. I researched the Salem witch trials. I found all the information I could. Ha! I thought they didn’t hang ‘witches’ in the gallows, but on Proctor’s ledge from a long tree branch. If I’d published then, maybe my ideas would have predated the finding that, yup. John Proctor was hanged from a tree with his best friend because his neighbor wanted his business and land. But no. Now it is common knowledge. Nothing interesting.
My witches wouldn’t take this failure as the end. They pushed me. Their story became longer and stronger each time. So long, in fact, that I had to cut it in half for Book 1 and Book 2 to fit in the ‘proper size for an urban fantasy’. Book 3 is in the making, but this recent hellfire…
The fear of it steals my breath. I cower at the thought of this new demon. How can I write again? How can I ever be happy again? Do I even deserve to be happy?
The past? I can’t change it.
The presence confuses me, and the future terrifies me, but I’m going to follow the almighty advice of Anna in Frozen II. I will do the next right thing.
Sad that a ‘kids movie’ has been guiding me so much, but it is. It started when I took my firstborn child to Frozen for the first time. She was too young. I don’t think she understood, but my heart hurt when Elsa sang Let it Go, and I cried.
My family was never a bad family. They were trying, but I felt just like Elsa. Like, there was a dangerous piece of me I had to hide to fit in. I felt like I was always pretending. Like Elsa, I was being raised to fit a role and had to pretend to be that, because the truth would be disastrous. No one would like the real me.
No one.
But my partner liked the real me. My sister-in-law did too. My kids do. So… Maybe I’m not all bad? Maybe I can be happy? Is that alright?
No matter. This is the next right thing. The first step, and then I’ll take another step.
I will keep walking this path as long as I can.
In the meantime, go find real strength with my witches who have seen me through so many hardships.
May you find strength in them, too. They are lost and afraid, but keep moving forward. Always forward.
We all just need to take hands and keep going.
Keep going!!!
